Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wish I did, but I don't.
Summary: A bitter sweet flavor sticks in Castiel's mouth, he can't do anything about it. Uriel's betrayal left him in a bad shape, the brother that was so trusted by him, was nothing more than an heretic.
Notes: "Engel Lied" its German for "Angelic Song", the inspiration is "Elfen Lied (Elven Song)" the anime and manga series that deals with humanity and feelings from the perspective of an non-human being.

Chapter 1 ~ Pie Night

A bitter sweet flavor sticks in Castiel's mouth, he can't do anything about it. Uriel's betrayal left him in a bad shape, the brother that was so trusted by him, was nothing more than an heretic. Who could he trust?

-My Lord, please tell me what to do- But there was no answer. Were them real? Were Uriel's poisonous words in fact, the truth?. "God isn't God any more". Who is God? Where he is? There was no answer to that question. -No one can tell me what to do, even Anna rejected my plea. I am an angel of the lord, i do his bidding... but- The "but" lingered on his lips. He was just the hand, the sword of the lord, nothing else, he should only do what it was commanded to him. Why he struggled with this? His feelings were getting on the way, a smidge of free will tainted his once pure consciousness, yet he didn't want to cleanse it.

He walked trough the cold night absentminded, oblivious of the pouring rain on his shoulders. This "free will" was taking over him. He started questioning everything that was ordered to him, the blacks and whites now danced holding hands in his head, leaving gray stains ins his mind, erasing truth itself. When this started? That was not a particularly difficult question. September 18th 2008. When he rose Dean from hell. It was him, the precious human that will put an end to the apocalypse. Dean Winchester, the hunter of demons. At first he saw him just like a tool of God, another piece in the heavenly chess board. But every day he wanted to know more of Dean the man, not Dean the ender of Apocalypse. Why? His mind couldn't even understand the question. Why i laugh at his jokes? why i can't stop watching at him?. Why the why's? I shouldn't have why's. He abruptly stopped his steps, trying to shed some sense in his chain of thought. There, soaked wet standing under a street light, he started to laugh, while a tear fell down his right cheek and merged with the rain drops in the dirt. What have you done to me, Dean Winchester?

A young woman balancing some nachos and coffee cups in her tray looked outside the window. Forcing her sight through the darkness she saw a man standing motionless under the heavy rain. Releasing her charge in a nearby table, she opened the door of the restaurant and shouted.

-Sir, are you all right? Cass..? it's that you? Get your wet but in here before you catch a cold!!- The waitress held the door open while the the angel, snapping from his thoughts, entered the dinning room.

-What's going on with you? Standing in the rain like a stray dog. Have you been drinking? Sit in there, I'll bring you some coffee. Are you all right?- The Waitress looked at Castiel with a frowned face.

-I am fine Tara, i was just... i'm not drunk actually... i just want some pie- the young woman looked at him conspicuously. Then she laughed and gave him a little slap in the shoulder.

-All right, but take off that coat. Wet floor means more work for me- Tara took the coat and hanged it above a trash can in the kitchen, despise the furious glance that the elderly cook gave her- Oh, Adam, you can't stay mad at me, I'm too cute- finishing the sentence with a kiss on the cheek of the now jiggling cook.

Tara returned to Castiel with a piece of blueberry pie and a cup of hot coffee.

-But...-

-No buts, drink the coffee. It will warm your bones and hopefully you wont get sick- Castiel smiled at her shyly.-I would offer you some soup, but, it is not very good you know..-

-Hey!! – Adam rose his spatula over his head and swayed it vehemently.

-I'm just kidding sugar!!!- accompanying the phrase with a blown-kiss and then reaching Castiel's ear.

-Not really-

The Lopn! Dinnin' Stop was a notch in a map at the very best. It was a a shivering shed nowadays, but in its times of glory had been a concurred place for rebellious gangs in their motorcycles and high society girls trying to add some spice to their vanilla lives. Even some celebrities had their stories in the Lopn! and the dirty photographs in the walls were the only remain of the golden years. Castiel tried to remember the first time he entered in the restaurant. Something compelled him to do so, he opened the door triggering the rusty bell, and sat on a table, not sure of what he was doing in that particular place. A cheerful waitress stood before him with a smile in her face. The angel looked at her and returned a very cricked smile. The young woman stared at him longly, almost trying to read his mind. After a couple of uncomfortable seconds the waitress spoke.

-Sweetie, your order...- Castiel looked at her confused.. The waitress arranged her ponytail and cleared her voice –Look, i don't mean to be rude, but you have to order something or i will kick your butt outta here-

The angel tried to muster something but nothing came to his mind, he tried to pick up something from the menu but he didn't understand what a "Butt Whoppin' Whooper" was. He questioned himself about what he was doing in a dinning stop talking with a waitress when the fight between good an evil was arising. Between his thoughts, his mouth opened and in a very low voice pitch said.

-Pie-

-Well, we have blueberry, apple and... whoa! that really is a very short range of options. So.. which one?- Castiel, still trying to understand why he had said "pie" responded.

-Blueberry-

-Oky Doky, anything else, sugar?-

-No, thanks- The waitress left the table and walked towards the kitchen leaving a very confused Castiel. He thought that Jimmy could have "leaked" in his mind, but Jimmy didn't liked sweet food. Sitting there, in a very squeaky chair he tried to comprehend his sudden need for pie. "Dean Loves Pie". The realization fell on him like a cold bucket of water.

-That does not make any sense to me-

-Yeah... here's your pie – The waitress standed in front of the angel, putting the order on the table –

-Thanks... Tara- Castiel read the name tag in the waitress blouse. Tara, with a conspicuous smile, walked away. Since that time, the angel visited the dinning stop with regularity, always ordering the same. He couldn't explain why, but those moments were something that made him feel...joyous. In that solace of humanity, he found comfort, and spended every moment thinking about... him. A very strange behavior for an angel of the lord.

-Do you feel better Cass?- Tara appeared in front of him as he finished to eat.

-Yes.. thank you Tara, i apologize if i made you worry about me-

-I'm utterly impressed Cass- Said the waitress in a mockery tone and sitting in front of him- Your social skills are improving very fast. When you first entered here you seemed like a robot...-Tara lowered her voice –Are you a runaway Amish?-

Castiel laughed, he had understanded the joke, but not soon enough he reverted to his moody self. He was standing in front of a human, talking with her, laughing with her, just like with Dean. Yes, him... that human. The angel again fell prey of his growing emotions. He had found himself, in many occasions, mustering his name in the dark, when he was alone. The warmth of that feeling, that invaded him everytime that his lips formed the word "Dean", making him forget about everything. With this burden in his chest, and in a way that was not familiar to him, he started to talk.

-I think that i... have feelings for someone-

Chapter 2 ~ Him

Feelings... Castiel didn't know to what this would lead then, but the mere existence of this feelings was something he had never experienced before. Thousands of years of existence but this was the first time that he cared about a human beyond his mission. But, against the fear of the unknown, he wanted to explore this rising sun in his soul, that illuminated every fiber of his being in a way that not even the Eternal light of heaven could do. The bell above the door ringed again as the last customer left, leaving Castiel, Tara and the cook alone in the restaurant. Tara looked at the clock, it was a bit past eleven. She smiled at Castiel and shouted at Adam.

-Sugar!! I'm gonna take a break-

-Whatever... I'm going to watch my soap's- The cook took his apron off and disappeared behind a door with the sign "Personal Only", shortly after a noised sound could be heard, something about "Señoritas de Campo". Tara dimmed the lights of the dinning and disappeared behind the counter, reemerging with a six-pack of beer in her arms. Castiel stared, curious about what she was doing.

-Here, this will make it easier- Tara threw a can of beer at Castiel, the which, mirroring the girl's movements, opened it and drunk –Now, spill it off-

Castiel tasted the beer in his mouth, not really used to the flavor. However he drank the can to it's very last drop within seconds.

-Someone is disturbed- Castiel felt the sympathetic stare of the waitress.

-It is like... i never...- The angel struggled with is own inability to express feelings with human words -I have never felt this way for anyone-. Tara pulled a box of cigarettes from her pocket, putting one in her mouth and offering another to Castiel. The angel negated with his head while she lighted up hers.

-So, who's the lucky lady?-Tara questioned.

-Lady? no, he is not a lady- Castiel leaned his head.

-Ohh... so you're into guys... that's fine, i mean, i have nothing against gay folks, you know... they're cool, you're cool... yes, i mean... you know what i mean....- Tara's words rambled upon themselves.

-I do not know what you mean-

-It's like, it's not like a lot of gay dudes come to hang out in dinning stops in the roadway... i don't know how it works...- While saying this, the waitress made a strange mimic with her fingers –But is cool... i mean, i used to watch Will & Grace- Castiel looked at Tara confused, and inquired her.

-What does gay mean?-

-All right... you are really Amish or a Tibetan monk...- Tara took a deep breath – Gay guys are guys who like other guys, right?- Castiel looked at himself, recognizing his vessel, Jimmy Novak .. he was a man. A man in love with a woman.

-Men love women- said Castiel.

-Yes, well generally, but, there are exceptions, you know...- This time Castiel knew what Tara was saying, it was him about loving another man. But the leap between "feelings" and "love" was something he couldn't follow... Were his feelings for Dean..love?-

-I am not secure if i am "in love" with him-

-So, that is your problem... you want to know if you love him or not, or maeby just experiment with him- Tara cast her stare on the roof while she seemed to recall an old memory -experiment... that's fun... anyways- Said while handing Castiel another beer and picking up another for her -It's very easy to know if you ask me-

-Tell me if i love him-The angel opened his eyes and mind, expecting that someone could tell him an obvious truth, the kind of truth he hadn't felt in weeks.

-I can't tell you if you love him, but you can find out with a few Q&A- Tara smiled at him.- Are you ready?-

-Yes-

-Do you think in him constantly?-

-Yes-

-Do you feel good when he is around?-

-Yes-

-Do you like to stare at him?-

-Yes-

-Does his scent linger when he is gone?- Tara said this while making and elaborate movement with her hands.

-Yes-

-Would you die for him?-

-Yes- Castiel responded automatically, before thinking in anything, his mission, his task. He would die for him. He confronted Alastair head on, without thinking in his own safety. That time he tried to lied himself, It is my task but deep down his luminous self, he knew, he knew that his was for that man. The man that he saw lying damaged in a hospital bed. The pain of that moment snapped something inside him, and like a broken dam, ravaged everything in its wake. It was a pain that he had to hide, from him, and from his brothers. He would die then thousand times before feeling that pain again. He would die if that meant saving him.

-Yes- he mustered again with his gravely voice. Tara caressed his face and smiled compassionately at him. Castiel had his answer.

The bell over the door ranged again, two truckers had entered the dining stop. Tara excused herself for a moment and went to take the orders of the costumers. When she looked out for Castiel he wasn't there, only the empty beer cans and the dish with pie leftovers.

-Cass... you didn't pay again-

Chapter 3 ~ Slave Of The Flesh

Castiel reached Uriel's shoulder. The later looked at him conspicuously while the angel in Jimmy's body cast his stare at the horizon.

-What is wrong with you Castiel?- The taller angel looked at his subordinate harshly.

-Nothing... i just...- Uriel cut him off abruptly.

-"Nothing", you think that you can fool me? I know what is happening to you, Castiel- Uriel pierced the other angel with a frozen grimace -You are being infected with humanity- Said while removing swiftly Castiel's hand from his shoulder and giving him a contemptuously self-righteous glance.

-I did not mean to upset you Uriel- The taller angel walked a few steps away and then faced Castiel.

-I am worried about your behavior, perhaps you are not strong enough to walk among "humans" –The last word was filled with hate and loathe –Your liaison with the elder Winchester is taking a toll on your effectiveness- Uriel started circling around Castiel, rising his voice -Your inability to be objective concerns me brother, your focus on the Winchester boy seems more than your mission commands you-

-But, we have to care about humans, they are God's sons, as ourselves are-

-Those pathetic creatures? Vomiting their failures and sorrows into the ground? They are nothing more than animals, domestic creatures at best- Uriel's words were filled with an enormous contempt, but then he returned to his more calmed self –If you can not follow your orders as their are given to you, I shall send you back. We do not need a soldier who is not fully committed to his task- After saying this, Uriel banished within the thin air.

"To Touch" That feeling circled Castiel's mind those days as it did now. Then, he couldn't understand his dire need to feel another's being physical presence. Since he returned the soul of the hunter to his body, the timid warmth he felt then, had only increased when he took physical form. The world of the humans was vastly experienced trough touch, and since him, he wanted to experience it all.

Now, quietly standing in front of an slightly drunk Dean, the only thing Castiel could think about was to touch him, to feel his skin on the tips of his human fingers and to give them a trip through Dean's most secret places. He wanted to knew him, he wanted to get the excitement of an archeologist over an ancient discovery. When he posed his hand over Uriel that time, he felt nothing, but the mere desire of caressing Dean's form made him feel parts of his human form that he hadn't thought of before. Is that love? Digging in Jimmy's memories he saw the joy of two bodies becoming one. He, an angel of the heavens, had never experienced this before. The Novak man had felt, as he felt, the urge to know and possess the body of the one they loved. Through Jimmy's memories Castiel knew, that feeling was only a few steps from him.

Then something that Castiel couldn't foretold happened. Dean rolled over the bed, and the covers fell to the floor, leaving the hunter's body exposed to the dim moonlight that reached through the curtains. The angel went breathless... he tried to leave, but he was frozen in place. He shyly cast his stare on the body of the elder Winchester, and he saw, he saw the cuts, the scars, the bruises all over his body, and his mark. He felt the damage as his own and move closer to him. "Such a short life, yet you have suffered so much". He reached Dean's chest with his hand, and felt the warmth of his skin and the rhythmic sequence of his breath. He wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be all right. But as his hand lingered on Dean, his toughts rapidly began to shift, his mind couldn't contain the imagery that was being created within. Jimmy's memories leaked into his own, and he saw himself laying in bed with Amelia, kissing, reaching, exploring. He could hear her moaning, shivering with pleasure, calling her husband's name. "I love you Jimmy, I want you in me". But then she became Dean, reaching his chest, not Jimmy's. Castiel could felt his skin as it was real, felt Dean's breath in his face, and he could hear him mustering "Be in me Cass". Castiel's body was burning inside out, he didn't had the power to stop. He reached the lips of the sleeping Dean with his own, and in the moment he felt the contact, something ravaged his mind in its wake. The time itself stopped outside his head.

-What are you doing??- He felt the voice in his head, angry, restless. It was Jimmy.

-You should not be here Jimmy-

-What the heck are you doing with him?- Jimmy roared within the mind-dome –Answer me Castiel !!-

-I was...- Castiel couldn't explain himself, the heat that he felt, it was irresistible. The desire to get closer and closer to Dean was beyond his explanation. He felt Jimmy's presence questioning him, furious, judgemental of him –I don't have to give you any explanation over my actions, human-

Jimmy's presence grew angrier, invading Castiel's domain over the body. The angel never had felt this kind of strength from the Novak man before, something was wrong, and deep inside him he knew.

-You will explain to me bastard! Why while I'm here, trapped, without sense of mind and time, you are using my body to hump that man!!- Castiel felt Jimmy's rant as a physical blow. –I didn't gave you my body to go fucking around with whomever you want! You have a mission and I understood that, yet here you are, wet like a school girl! Kissing a man with my lips, touching him with my hand, while... while I'm here, without her...- Jimmy's anger deviated into a deep sorrow.

-I saw in your mind, the feeling, the need for another being-

-That doesn't give you the right to have what YOU denied to me!!- The anger in the owner of the vessel rose again, but this time Castiel felt the same.

-It is your fault, your memories, are crawling into my mind. Your lust, your need, are infecting me... I blame you, pathetic creature- Castiel's tone sounded just like Uriel's loathful voice.

-Don't turn things on me you piece of shit!! I would never do what you're thinking about. I want my body ba..-

-Enough- The angry Castiel swiftly vanished Jimmy's presence, and erased his memories. The angel remained in his mind for a few moments. How he dares to judge me. But, deep inside him, he understood Jimmy's wrath. Being unable to touch the one he loved... he truly could relate to that. Yet still, he didn't understand the nature of his feelings. Did he truly believe that were Jimmy's memories the cause of his feelings? He wanted so, but, it felt so own. He suddenly realized that time had begun to run again outside his mind, and quickly removed himself from Dean's presence.

The hunter opened his eyes. The effect of the beers he had earlier still clouded his mind. He sat on the bed slowly and lighted up the bed lamp. Something felt different, something had happened. Castiel looked from outside the room how Dean licked his lips and placed his hand above his mark.