One never truly understood the phrase "Blinded by Rage" until one has seen an angel suffer from it.
It was a battle, like any other battle, Dean and Castiel where fighting side by side, plowing through demons like they were paper dolls, but it only took one misjudged step, a simple twist that should have been a turn, and suddenly Dean felt the sharp, crooked blade, as it plunged upwards into his chest, he couldn't breath, and Castiel was looking at him, he'd never seen that look of horror on anyones face before, and he never wanted to see it again, he could hear Castiel screaming, it shook him that his angel could produce such a raw, animal sound, the world was fading, he could feel Sam's arms enclosing him from behind, Sam was crying, Dean wasn't sure, but the words "not again." seemed to reverberate through his skull, and Castiel was kneeling beside him, desperately trying to put him back together, he saw a vague shape he somehow recognized as Uriel coming towards them, before darkness took him.
Uriel noticed immediately when Castiel stopped fighting, he felt a small sorrow as he saw Dean go down, it wasn't until Castiel hadn't gotten up from his place at Dean's side for close to ten minutes, that Uriel decided to take him to task, he watched for a few moments as Castiel tried to push Dean's insides, well, back inside, he knew it was too late for the young man, that he had done all he could have, and he would be rewarded for it, but he had no time for niceties, they were at war, grief could come later.
"Castiel, get up, we have no time for this."
"I'm making time."
"He is not worth this much trouble, he did well but he is a mere human."
Uriel could only watch as the grief stricken angel, took his words to heart, too close to heart, Castiel whirled on him, pulling on of the dark blades from a demon so hard that it's arm came off with a wet ripping sound, Uriel realized too late as the blade plunged into his chest, that he's words where perhaps not as comforting as he had meant.
Sam looked on in fear, as the last of Castiel's sanity left him, he believed that the only thing that had saved him, was his proximity to Dean's cooling body, the angel cut through Demons, angels and humans alike, Sam sent a fervent prayer of thanks that Bobby was at a different Battle, he was sure he wouldn't have wanted to see this, he watched as Castiel killed and killed until he's energy seemed to run out, and he collapsed on the blood soaked ground.
Castiel watched Sam slowly come towards him, like he was approaching a wild beast, he looked around as he's senses came back to him.
"Sam, Sam what have I done?"
The angel sound like a lost little boy, repeating the same question over and over, Sam gently pulled the broken angel to his chest, hiding his face away as the remaining angel's came towards them, Castiel felt his brother's presense, a soft, sad warmth against his grace.
"He must come with us, stand before Father, and be judged."
"He knows."
Castiel pulled away from Sam's tear-soaked shirt, with his head bowed, he went to his brother's, he was expecting some kind of rage, he had killed his own, but all he found was a kind of sympathy, not forgiveness, only father could give him that, but a shared knowledge, a reminder that he was not the only angel to feel that kind of pain.
"We are allowed to love Castiel."
Athiel took his damaged brother to father, God had a sad frown upon his face, Castiel knelt to await his punishment, surely there could be no other alternative, He jumped as his father came towards him, tensed as a calming hand rested itself on his shoulder.
"I knew this would happen, my son, did you not think I would take precautions, your brother Uriel has always been unable to phrase things correctly, I knew you would love Dean, that's why I sent you to save him."
"But father, I have lost Dean's life, I have slain Uriel, and many others, all I ask is that my Punishment be swift."
"Castiel, I told you, I took precautions, Uriel is not dead, nor are the others, when I felt your heart break, then shatter, I pulled all of our soldier's in your way from their bodies, Your brothers will need time to recuperate, but they will be back soon, and the humans you killed, their souls have been put aside, they will be born again."
"Father, I thank you for your kindness, but, I cannot exist without Dean, after losing him, I felt as though a part of me had died."
"That's love Castiel, it is no sin to love, indeed, sometimes love can save lives."
"He's right Cas."
"Dean?"
"Who else wingboy."
"Dean!!!"
Dean fell back slightly as Castiel flung himself at him, Castiel had always seemed so young, even when he was bossy, now he was like a child that had found a puppy he thought he'd lost, Then Castiel's face fell.
"Father, even though you took all those precautions, I still need to be punished, I may not have destroyed anyone, but it was my intention at the time, I can't change that."
"I know son, but there has been punishment already, you felt grief, few angels have experienced it, even fewer wish to, I know what grief can make people do, and I know what guilt makes people do as well, you have suffered both, they are your punishment, I need not place more upon you."
"Yes Father."
With that Dean led Castiel towards what looked to be a set of pearly towers, Castiel's Guilt would never go away, and he accepted that as his due.
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