Rating: G
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wish I did, but I don't.
Summary: Dean gets preggers.
Warning: M!preg, crack
Notes: Born randomly from a conversation I was having with bellajayd after reading this spoilery bit: Sam will be similar to a junkie trying to get clean, and Dean and Sam are going to go through some ups and downs before their reconciliation has them "heading towards a big conclusion..." Sooo....right, what *I* got out of it is as follows: Dean gets preggers...? I blame bellajayd for it. It's terrible - read at your own risk.

"Cas, damn you, you've gotta get this outta me!" spat Dean angrily, sweat rolling down his brow. The elder Winchester was clad in a hospital gown, his feet up in the cold metal stirrups of a private delivery room. He was panting, totally forgetting to do his breathing exercises like he had been practicing when another contraction hit him. He moaned, leaning his head back – why the hell were his feet in this stupid contraption anyway? It wasn't like he had a birth canal or anything.

Castiel only gave the pregnant Winchester a perplexed look, which infuriated Dean past the point of no return.

"Dean, I don't unders-" the angel began to say, but was cut off when he was hit in the chest by a cup of shaved ice.

"Don't you DARE tilt your head, you sonofabitch!" shouted Dean. Then, without warning, he burst into tears.

"Goddamned hormones," he sobbed angrily, red in the face as the tears leaked from corners of his green eyes. Castiel placed a hand on the hunter's swollen belly, feeling the life stirring within it.

"Do you want me to teleport it out?" he asked.

That gave Dean pause. "What?" he asked in a flat voice.

"Do you want me to teleport the baby out, Dean?" repeated Castiel with a slight edge of exasperation.

"You mean to tell me," said the hunter in a low, dangerous voice, "that you could have poofed the baby outta me when I started going into labor?"

Castiel seemed relieved that they were finally communicating. He drew close to Dean and took his hand gently in his own, his blue eyes brimming with all that was unspoken between them. "Yes Dean," he replied.

"Cas, you're a goddamn dick," swore the hunter vehemently, taking a swing at the angel, "WHY THE HELL DID I GET THAT DAMN EPIDERAL THEN?!"

Sam, who had rushed to the hospital as soon as he had heard that Dean was brought there, ran in at that moment. He took one look at his brother, feet up in the stirrups with a flimsy hospital gown on, and passed out in the doorway.

"Goddamn men," muttered Dean.


(The End.)