Dean sat at the table watching Sam fight the invisible monsters as the not-really-there doctor continued to talk to him. It had been so much cooler when it happened on Dr. Sexy M.D. But, Dean wasn't the spunky doctor who was too hard on himself. He was Dean. Simple as that. He wouldn't recover like the spunky doctor; he'd go insane, if he hadn't already.
He could barely hear what invisi-doc was saying, but Dean wished she would stop. He hated listening to all the truths she was telling him. How she was digging into his innermost fears with a rusty knife and stabbing at all his secrets.
"And that angel," Dr. Dean's-First-Class-Ticket-To-Crazy-Town said. "Castiel, I believe his name is."
"Leave him out of this."
"Your father gave you a pretty definite role that you had to play, didn't he?"
"And back to daddy issues. Listen, you may be a figment, but you're my figment and I want you to shut the hell up!"
"You've never been in a serious relationship, have you?"
"We've discussed this already."
Dean began to rock in his chair as her gaze narrowed. It was like she was looking into his soul. Dean didn't like people looking into his soul.
"Some homosexual men over compensate their masculinity because of their overwhelming fear of their own 'wrong' sexuality. There's a lot of pressure on you. The only real relationship you ever witnessed was destroyed when you were only four. How could you learn a healthy way of expressing your feelings towards people you are actually interested in?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am not gay. And you're not even a real doctor."
"I'm not the one who never misses a Dr. Phil episode."
"I'm pretty sure he's not even a real doctor."
"This is called a defense mechanism, Dean. Did you ever think that you're projecting your own mother onto these women? Punishing them for how she left you."
"Look, you might be inside my head, but I like women. You saw me with nympho-girl over there."
"Yes and it concerns me as your inner voice that you would take advantage of her to prove that you can claim 'conquest' anywhere. Seeking pleasure in order to have control, doesn't prove you're straight."
"So because I've never had a serious relationship, I'm suddenly supposed to be waving a rainbow flag?"
"You also have an unhealthy fixation with ramming things up other people's asses, especially your angel friend's."
"Those are threats. I wouldn't be actually shoving anything up Cas' or anyone else's ass."
"The panties?"
"Cross-dressing is not linked to homosexuality. But, I'm not a cross-dresser, either. I just like the way they cradled my junk."
"Alright, but you know acting like the manly big brother is just a role you play. It's not who you really are. I know who you are. You're scared and alone. No wonder why you don't want to get involved with Castiel. You could look the other way for him, couldn't you? Forget about gender roles and the part your father left for you to play."
"Shut up! Shut UP!"
"Why don't you, Dean? You want to shove it up his lily white ass so badly. You aren't afraid of him falling. Not the way you allow him to behave. No, it's something more selfish."
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Dean yelled, standing up and gripping the table. "Leave Cas out of this!"
"It's because you're afraid. Anyone you ever love leaves you. Your mother left you, your father, Sam, Jo, Ellen, Cassie, Lisa, there's a big long line of people who have left you. Why would Castiel be any different?"
"Leave him out of this, you bitch!"
"You won't let him in. You think you should hurt him before he hurts you. He gave up everything for you, but that doesn't seem to matter. It never seems to matter, because you know it as well as I do. Castiel will leave you, so nothing he does matters to you."
Dean began to shiver violently as he slowly came to his senses. He realized he hadn't moved from his spot. He hadn't gotten up. Dean didn't even think he had been talking out loud. Another shiver ran through him again. He had to get out of here. Dean couldn't take one more minute of the truth being shoved in his face.
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