It isn't that angels do not feel, they simply do not experience emotion in the same way humans do. There's joy and sorrow and love, but not want. They do not yearn. They do not long for.
An entirely new sensation, Castiel isn't sure what it is at first. He only knows that his focus has shifted, the bigger picture blurring at the edges, until his vision is filled with Dean Winchester.
Castiel has seen Dean at his worst, seen him cower with fear and burn with anger. He's watched him laugh and cry, protect and fight, win and lose. Everything Dean has ever been, selfish and selfless, Castiel has seen. A hero among men, denying his own worth.
He raised Dean from Hell, breathed life into his body, touched him and restored his soul. Castiel knows Dean, would recognize him burning bright in the deepest, darkest pit of Hell.
Yet it is not enough.
Drawn like iron to adamant, Castiel longs for things he cannot have and should never want. Yearns for those experiences Dean is so intent on preserving, both good and bad, though they are chaotic and dangerous and human.
All of creation, Heaven is what he has known. Castiel has observed humans living their human lives, loving on such a tiny scale in comparison to the love he feels for mankind, his brothers, God. Yet he wants Dean to show him, to teach him what it's like to be human and all that it entails. He wants to feel, to touch and taste and breathe.
He tells himself they have to understand; he and his brothers need to know what they're fighting for, why Dean refuses to sacrifice innocent lives even if it means stopping Lucifer from rising. Why Dean believes humanity—with all of its cruelty and pain, fear and suffering—is so worth saving.
At the core of him though, the very center of Castiel's being, he knows that he is playing with fire. Looking for illumination in matters he's not supposed to care about.
But Castiel can't turn his eyes from Dean, he cannot look away. The course has been set, for good or for ill, and this is the path he must take.
May his Father forgive him.
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